My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
