I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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