I got chris browned last night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
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This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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