I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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