My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
