I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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