I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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