My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
