so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
