There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
