dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
