i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
