omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
