sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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