It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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