Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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