I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My vagina is officially offended.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
