there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
