Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
