Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
