the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
