i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Vodka?
Forever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
