Christians are straight up FREAKS
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
