I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize