Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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