'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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