I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
