Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
