Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
