He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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