I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
