Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
