He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
