he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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