I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
