saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
