Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
