At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
