she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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