I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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