I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
