"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can text with my tongue
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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