everyone is single if you try hard enough
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize