He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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