then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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