so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
