Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
