he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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