well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
