glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
