I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
