theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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