Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
