You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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