well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
