ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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