he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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