You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
