Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
