I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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