how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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