yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
