i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
