white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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