my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
