well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
