Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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