im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
