yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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