I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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