Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
