Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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