your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
