I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
