oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
