This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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