we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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