You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
