Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
