I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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