Me. At least after what I've been through.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So. Much. Porn.
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