New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
