Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
