Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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