In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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