Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
