Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
