when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
